By Jo Muirhead
We built our businesses to be with people—to help clients, collaborate with colleagues, and contribute to our communities. Yet for many of us, there’s a quiet truth sitting beneath the busy diaries, the back-to-back appointments, and the neatly curated “I’m fine” responses:
We are lonely.
Not alone—lonely.
And I know this because I’ve lived it.
There was a season in my career when I was so lonely that it shaped everything I did.
It drove me into extreme over-functioning, where I believed that if I just worked harder, stayed later, pushed more, held tighter… I could outrun the ache of not having anyone I trusted enough to help me gain perspective.
Spoiler: it didn’t work.
In fact, it nearly broke me.
Isolation ≠ Loneliness (and most health business owners don’t know which one they’re living in)
Let’s get clear on terms:
- Social isolation = an objective lack of contact (small networks, limited interaction).
- Loneliness = a subjective experience—the painful gap between the connection you want and what you feel you have.
You can be surrounded by people and still feel deeply lonely.
And early in my career, that was exactly me.
My story: confusing connection with proximity
When I started out, my only social connections were people I worked with. That meant I mistook proximity for intimacy. I assumed that being in the same office, seeing each other every day, meant I had genuine connection.
But they were colleagues—reporting to me or working alongside me—not friends who could hold the emotional weight of leadership.
And confusing those roles?
Wow. It was not empowering. It was confusing.
It left me without the support I needed and created a mismatch between the relationships I expected and the relationships actually available.
That mismatch is exactly what the research calls loneliness.
It’s the “perceived social isolation” described by Cacioppo & Hawkley.
Leadership in health is structurally isolating
You are the one who carries risk, payroll, compliance, complaints, and client care.
You are the one others turn to—but rarely the one who feels safe turning to others.
Leadership research shows that being in a leadership role increases loneliness and even impairs decision-making.
And in health businesses, that isolation is amplified by:
- Confidentiality constraints
- High emotional labour
- Compliance and regulatory pressure
- The need to “hold it all together” for everyone else
During the loneliest years of my career, I tried to manage this by working harder, taking on more, being everything to everyone.
I didn’t understand that I wasn’t working at the wrong job—I was working at the wrong things.
When isolation hardens into loneliness: what it feels like
Loneliness in health business owners doesn’t usually look like someone crying in the corner.
It’s quieter. More competent-looking.
More socially acceptable.
It looks like:
- Your calendar being full but your heart feeling empty
- Avoiding peer conversations because you don’t have the energy to pretend
- Over-functioning and perfectionism (hello, my old friends)
- Constant self-doubt and second-guessing
- Feeling unseen in rooms where you are leading, teaching, or supporting others
Loneliness activates the brain’s threat system; research shows it affects how we interpret emails, conversations, and even neutral social cues.
In my case, this looked like:
- Debilitating perfectionism—because I had no one to help me calibrate what “good enough” looked like
- Overworking—because effort was my only coping strategy
- Pulling away—because vulnerability felt unsafe without trusted peers
I didn’t need another productivity tool.
I needed people. People I could trust
The cost of lonely leadership: health, decisions & business
1. Physical and mental health risks
Loneliness increases the risk of premature death at the same magnitude as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
It raises risk of heart disease, stroke, depression, and cognitive decline.
We support others’ health every day—but who supports ours?
2. Decision-making suffers
Research shows that lonely leaders make poorer decisions and experience reduced team cohesion.
3. Business sustainability drops
Entrepreneurs who experience loneliness have increased intentions to exit their business.
It also erodes passion and drive—two ingredients you must protect in health businesses.
Self-care that ignores connection isn’t self-care—it’s self-management
Here’s the hard truth:
Your meditation app won’t fix loneliness.
Your “move your body 20 minutes a day” routine won’t fix loneliness.
Your 5am morning routine definitely won’t fix loneliness.
These things help, but they do not meet the deeper human need to be known.
The U.S. Surgeon General’s advisory emphasises that workplaces must design for connection, not just teach individual resilience.
We need to shift self-care from:
“How am I performing?”
to
“Who am I connected to, supported by, and honest with?”
And this is where my story turns.
Where I am now: smaller business, deeper connection
These days, I don’t have the large business I once had.
I don’t have a team of 15, multiple locations, a giant caseload, or a calendar that looks like a bootcamp schedule.
But I am far more connected.
Not because I have more relationships—
but because I have the right relationships.
People who:
- know me, not just my job
- challenge me with love
- don’t need anything from me other than truth
- are safe for me to be real with
It turns out connection isn’t about headcount.
It’s about quality.
It’s about the people who anchor you, not the people who orbit you.
Designing connection into your business and your life
Here’s what I wish someone had told me 25 years ago:
Connection cannot be accidental. It must be built. With intention. With courage. With boundaries.
Here are practices that actually work:
1. Curate a small, trusted peer group
Not a hypey mastermind.
Not a networking room where everyone is polishing their elevator pitch.
A small circle (4–6 people) where truth is expected and confidentiality is sacred.
2. Get supervision or mentoring for YOU, not just your team
Clinicians have supervision for clinical load.
Leaders need supervision for leadership load.
3. Build “micro-connections” into your week
A coffee with a peer.
A walk with someone who understands.
A genuine check-in that isn’t about KPIs.
4. Stop confusing colleague proximity with emotional connection
I learned this one the hard way.
Your team is not your emotional safety net.
Your clients are not your confidants.
Your referrers, contractors, and admin team are not your inner circle.
5. Do a quarterly “connection audit”
Ask yourself:
- Who actually knows what I’m struggling with?
- Who do I trust to hold my truth?
- Who do I need to reconnect with?
If the answers are thin—start there.
Closing: a personal invitation
If you’ve read this far and thought,
“This is me. I’m busy, but I feel unseen.”
Then please hear this:
You’re not failing.
You’re lonely.
And those are not the same thing.
Your next act of self-care might not be another online program or a fresh notebook.
It might be reaching out to someone you trust and saying:
“Can we talk? No agenda—just human to human.”
Connection is not a luxury for leaders in health.
It is protective, essential, and completely transformative.
And if you need someone to help you build that next step—whether through supervision, mentoring, or a space to breathe—I’m here.
Finish wise, not just fast.
— Jo