For a long time, I thought the way I worked was simply how good leaders worked.
Fast.
Decisive.
Always moving forward.
And to be fair, that’s what people told me. Someone with my natural style is often applauded as a go-getter. A visionary. A leader. A trendsetter.
What wasn’t acknowledged, by me or by anyone else, was what that same style did when I was under pressure.
What I didn’t see
In 2015, six years into running PurpleCo, I completed a behavioural profile. It wasn’t a personality quiz and it wasn’t a diagnosis. It was a picture of how I naturally behave, and how I believed I needed to adjust to cope with what was going on around me.
What it showed me wasn’t comfortable.
My natural style is strongly results-focused. I make decisions quickly. I don’t love detail. I still don’t, although I’m getting much better with it. Detail feels like it makes everything twice as long.
Under pressure, that style didn’t disappear. It got louder.
I became quite gruff. My instructions weren’t explicit. I was a very, very poor delegator. And when things inevitably went sideways, I’d try to regain control by becoming a micromanager.
Going from poor delegation straight to micromanaging was very uncomfortable for the people working with me, especially those working with me full-time.
I wasn’t trying to make anyone’s life harder. I simply couldn’t see what they could see.
The email test
This is the example I used to give every new team member during onboarding.
You can tell when I’m stressed by my emails.
On a Monday, you might email me asking how to do something. My reply would look like this:
“Hey Sharon, I hope you had a great weekend. Thanks for asking this question. Here’s the answer. Please let me know if there’s anything else I can help with.”
Send.
On Tuesday, Sharon sends another question. By now I’m stressed, or more stressed, or feeling pressured about other things going on. My reply:
“Sharon, the answer is this.”
Send.
Now put yourself in Sharon’s shoes.
What have I done to upset Jo?
Did she really mean I could ask questions?
Does she now think I’m stupid?
Sharon starts questioning my intent.
And here’s what happens next. People stop asking questions. Work stops being delivered, because people get stuck and paralysed and don’t know who to go to for help.
Nobody decided to do a poor job. The pressure moved through the system, and it moved through me first.
Our behaviour speaks louder than our words, spoken or written.
What actually changed
The profile didn’t fix me. That isn’t what it’s for.
What it gave me was clarity about my pattern, and the language to talk about it without blame.
I came to understand that not everyone operates the way I do. Many people need more explicit instructions. They need more time. They want the chance to ask questions without feeling shamed or ridiculed for asking.
Once I understood how this pattern turned up in me and in my business, I could do something I’d never done before.
I could tell people.
I warned my team that it happened. I told them what it looked like. And I gave them some quite explicit cues on how to look after themselves, and navigate me, during high-pressure periods.
The short emails didn’t vanish overnight. But they stopped being a mystery. Sharon knew the short reply meant pressure, not disappointment, and she knew it was still safe to ask.
That isn’t a failure. That’s a signal.
Why this matters right now
Many practices are under real pressure at the moment. Referrals are slower, cash flow is tighter, and decisions feel heavier.
Pressure doesn’t usually change who we are. It amplifies it.
The decisive owner becomes abrupt.
The careful one becomes stuck.
The people-pleaser says yes to everything.
The steady one goes quiet and carries it alone.
None of these are character flaws. They’re predictable patterns. And predictable patterns can be named, understood and managed.
If you work on your own, this still applies. Your clients feel it. Your colleagues feel it. The people at home usually feel it first.
A question worth sitting with
What’s your version of the one-line email?
What do the people around you notice about you, before you notice it yourself, when the pressure is on?
Next week I’ll share more about the tool that helped me see my own pattern, and why I chose it over the many others out there.